From: … Nguyen @yahoo.com>
Subject: Nguyen 's Biography
To: thuyhang606@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 9:42 AM
Subject: Nguyen 's Biography
To: thuyhang606@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 9:42 AM
Thân tặng TH quyển hồi ký …
" Về chia sẻ kinh nghiệm với bạn bè. TH cứ tự nhiên. Nếu
bài học cuả mình có hữu ích được cho đời thì mình nên chia sẻ. Có vậy
thì xã hội mới tiến bộ và phát triển được. Những gì mình có thể để lại
trên đời này thì mình nên để lại."
====
CHAPTER 29
When your mother came back from Indonesia
began to feel very concerned and frustrated. She started to see a dark cloud overshadow
our future. There were times we got into arguments. I had to walk out of our apartment to
get away from everything. I was mad both at myself and at her. I was mad at myself
because I could not do any better, and I was mad at your mother because she could not
understand my situation. As I took a long walk alone, I realized that I could not expect
your mother to empathize with my feelings because she had never been through what I
had, and I never want her to go through what I went through. I knew that your mother had
to go through a lot just to stay by me for all these years. So far I had not been able to bring
her anything worth a smile. I should be the one to be blamed, and I had no right to get mad
at your mother. Then I felt that I should come back to apologize and make peace with her.
As the quarter ended, I thought I could not graduate because I did not do well that
quarter, so I did not show up for my graduation. A few days later, a friend told me that
she saw my name on the list of the graduates at the graduation. She insisted I go to school
to find out. I went to school to check. The school administrator told me that I did graduate
and handed me my diploma. There was no ceremony for me, but I was totally thrilled.
Finally, I graduated. My goal was reached, my promise was fulfilled, and the year was 1987
just as my original plan.
The next thing was what would I do after I graduated? I knew a lot of friends who could
not find related jobs after they graduated. And those people did much better than I
academically. On top of that the whole country went through a recession too. The chance
for me to find an electrical engineer's postiton was very slim. But I still tried anyway.
Meanwhile I still held on to my current jobs. One was a legal library clerk and the other
was a technician for a consulting firm. Your mother's family asked us to go back to their
land, so they could help us. But I turned them down because I told myself that it was time
for me to do everything in my power to make your mother's life a happy life on my own. I
wanted to prove to her that a person could make it in America
mind to it. My father and my mother had done it in the past, and I was their son, so I could
do it too. As months went by, my hope, my faith and my confidence began to run out.
Six months went by, just as my faith was about to vanish, I got a call from one
company for an interview. They invited me to come to Walterboro , South Carolina
with them. I went there and everything went smoothly. After the interview, I went back to
engineer's position. I can not tell you how happy I was when I got the offer. Your mother
was happy too. For the first time, I saw a proud look shine on her face. I felt great to see
your mother smiling again. All those years, I had been struggling and waiting so long for
this day. Finally, the dark clouds that had overshadowed my future for those years
suddenly disappeared, and they were replaced by the sunlight. Everything that I had
struggled for, that I risked my life for, and that I sacrificed myself for, suddenly made
sense. I felt great for all the things that I had accomplished. My promise to my father was
fulfilled. I had proved that I was able to make it from nothing just like my parents did. I
had not failed to live up to the expectation and the faith that your mother had in me. I had
overcome all the barriers of my past and found a better place in the present time. Suddenly,
the burden that I had borne with me for all those years was taken off, and I finally broke
free from it. I took a long walk alone, so I could enjoy that moment of my life. As I walked
along, everything seemed to be brighter and much more colorful than it used to.
We moved to Walterboro in the early part of August, 1988. We rented a small three
bedroom house. As soon as I began to work, I started to write letters to Vietnam
contact my older sister again. A month later, I got a letter from Vietnam
replied to me. She told me that Thanh Tuyen, her family, and she still lived in the same
place. Life had not been good to her at all. They had not been doing well at all. Everyday
they still struggled for meals on the table. Thanh Tung had been sick with some serious
illness. She had six children, all girls. They lived in very poor conditions. One of her
daughters, the fifth one, got very sick, and my sister did not have money to take care of her
daughter. She tried to borrow money from my grandparents, but they did not loan it to her
no matter how hard she begged. She did everything she could, but nothing worked out for
her. Finally, the baby died. I knew it was a very painful thing that had happened to her. I
wished success could have come to me faster, but I did not have much luck either. I told
her about what happened to me for all these years and what I was doing at the present. I
told her about my first job, and I told her not to worry because from now on, I would be
able to support her, and together, we could rebuild our lives again. From there on,
whatever I had left from my pay check after the bills, I sent it to my sisters. I wanted to
repay my sister for all the sacrifices she made for me in the past. I knew there was no way
we could completely heal the hurt and the pain that we experienced in the past, but we
tried to make our present situation a little bit better. I was also thankful that your mother
showed some understanding for me. She encouraged me to continue to help my sisters.
As months went by, my sisters saved enough money that they could buy a fairly decent
house in Can Tho to move back. That was good news for me because now they could live
in much better conditions. They sent me their pictures; both before they moved back to the
city and after they moved to the city. They showed a significant improvement in both their
looks and their health. I was so glad to see that. I was surprised to see the picture of Thanh
Tuyen. She was eighteen years old already. She no longer was a six-year-old child
anymore. All these years in my mind Thanh Tuyen was always the same six-year-old child.
Time had ceased to progress in my mind right after my separation from Thanh Tuyen. All
those years, I was still holding on to and searching for that six-year-old girl, the one that I
left helplessly behind. Now that little girl was no longer there, and she was replaced by an
eighteen-year-old woman. I felt like I was not quite familiar with the grown image of
Thanh-Tuyen at all. Part of me was happy that she had survived and become a beautiful
young lady, but the big part of me was completely torn apart because I faced the fact that I
could not make it back in time to take care of the baby girl who was wandering alone in the
woods, looking, and waiting for her dear brother everyday to return for her. I had lost that
girl forever already. As I kept thinking, the pain in my heart began to grow. The pain was
so intense that I had to take a deep breath to relieve it. I closed my eyes trying to recapture
the past that I had put aside for many years. But time had robbed some of my memory as it
passed by and left me with all the heartbreaking fragments. It seemed like I tried to hold on
to the broken pieces of my past, and I tried to patch them together as one whole piece, but I
could not. Then I realized my sisters and I paid a big price for our own past. The cost was
could not. Then I realized my sisters and I paid a big price for our own past. The cost was
so severe that we had to live apart from each other, that we had lost our innocence, and our
growing up process just to get what we had got so far.
CHAPTER 30
As time progressed, my two sisters and I were doing better and better each day. My
sister's children could go to school. They were no longer worried about food, clothes, and
shelter. They were no longer ashamed of their living conditions. My sister had plenty of
money to get medical treatment for herself and her family. They could even afford to do
some small business on their own. Thanh-Tuyen could afford to buy some nice clothes to
wear. She began to look better and happier each day. She could go to the big city for fun.
She could gather with her old friends, and she could make new friends. She seemed to feel
very good about herself. She wrote me and told me that everywhere she went, she told
people that she had a brother in America
and cared for her. She showed them my pictures, and she said that she knew her brother
would never forget her. There were times people asked her why her brother did not help
her earlier. She told them that she did not know, but she guessed that life must have been
tough for me during that time. I felt happy for her. For all her life, she knew nothing but
being separated from her loved ones. Not a single moment of her childhood, could she see
her family together at all. She would never experience the love of her father, her mother,
her sisters, and her brother. Her life could never be complete because of the missing past. I
hoped and I prayed that she would have better luck with her future. For the present time, I
was satisfied because at least she could have some fun for herself before it was too late, and
I was glad that I could bring a smile back to her face. As time went by, Thanh-Tuyen
started to date someone. She wrote me a letter and asked me about her boyfriend. I told her
that I had complete confidence in her choice and whatever her decision was, I would
support her fully. I also shared with her my experience with different types of people with
different temperaments and personalities. She took my advice well. The next thing I knew
she went steady with Viet, a Vietnamese boy, from Cambodia
get married. Thanh-Tuyen followed her husband to Cambodia
choice. Her husband was truly a gentle man. He really loves her and so does his family.
They treated her very well. For now they stay and live with her husband's parents.
From time to time I received my sister's letters asking for support. Your mother and I
gathered up our savings and send it to her. That was enough to keep them going without
much discomfort. For me, I still went to work as usual. After three years, I grew tired of my
work and the town that your mother and I lived in. I saw many people lying, cheating, and
trying to get ahead at the cost of others. Most of these people were basically irresponsible
individuals. They lived their lives by pretending and by criticizing others. They let jealousy
surface between them, their families, and even between their own friends. I did not want to
judge people, but sometimes I could not bear it when they played that game with me.
There was a time I wanted to quit my job very much, but I did not do it because I could not
let my impulse affect my life and your mother's life. Every time I was down and ready to
give up, I thought of my sisters, and my commitment to your mother's future. Then I
gathered all the strength and courage that I had left to rise above the situation. I began to
search for a different company in a different city.
At the same time, your mother and I decided to start our family. During that time we
also worried about our jobs because of the weakening of the economy in the country.
Companies downsized everywhere. People got laid off in all corporations. Some were laid
off in the place I worked, too. Fortunately I was not the one to be laid off. People kept
telling me that I should feel proud of that because I was considered a valuable person at
that time. Despite all the compliments they gave me, I knew that it was time for me to look
for another place to invest my future. A few months later, your mother became pregnant,
and I did not get any offers yet. After six months went by, I got an offer from a larger
corporation in Spartanburg , South Carolina
had. Your mother and I were very happy for a better thing happening to us. So we moved
to the town. We bought our home as soon as we moved to Spartanburg
we had our own home. Though it was not an expensive one, it was a comfortable place
where we could build our memories together.
A few months after we moved into our house, your mother gave birth to you, Jonathan.
I was there in the delivery room with your mother, and for the first time in my life, I
witnessed a miracle happening before my eyes: a miracle of life. It was beyond my
imagination to see how a single cell could multiply itself, transform to different parts of
the body for different functions, and yet the cells still worked with each other coherently.
The whole process was carried out completely without our conscious acknowledgement at
all. There were always some fascinating back up programs built into the human body in
case something went wrong. It seemed everything was meticulously programmed and
arranged. And the same process would apply for every living thing on this earth. I knew
man is not advanced enough to even conceive such concepts. I began to appreciate things
around me even more. I became much more grateful for my being than I had ever been
before. Every time I held you in my arms, I could not help but be amazed at the way you
came into this world. You were vulnerable, defenseless, fragile, and sound asleep as if you
were exhausted after a long journey from a distant place. But in my arms, you looked
comfortable and secure. As I took a hard look at your face, I could see my childhood image.
The only difference was my father was not there for me, like I was for you. Although I was
exhausted from a long sleepless night prior to your birth, I still wanted to watch you.
Sometimes in your sleep, I saw a smile light up briefly on your face. Strangely, that small
thing was enough to bring me joy and happiness. I gave you the name Jonathan because it
means the gift from God. I hoped that you would live your life just like the meaning of
your name. So other people could say that it was a blessing for them to know you and to
have you on their sides. I was very thankful to have you in my life. For years I never
thought that I could live long enough to see the day that I could have my offspring.
As soon as Nanna Josey found out about your birth, she drove straight from Douglas ,
was always there to share all the important events in my life. I remember in the year 1985,
when I applied for American citizenship and passed it. The day I went to court for the
ceremony, Nanna Josey and Papa and Jeannie also were there with me. We sat in the
middle row among people from all over the world. As the flag was raised, we all stood up,
looked toward the flag, proudly swore to be loyal and faithful to this country, and sang the
national anthem. She stayed with me for the entire program before she drove back to
before she had to drive back to Douglas again. I knew it was a long and tiresome trip for
her. I did not know how to express my thanks to her, but in my mind I would never forget
those times that she was there for me. After she left, I spent another day or two with you
and I went back to work again.
Everyday your mother took care of you while I was at work. When I came back, I helped
her to take care of you too. There were many times I had to put in more hours at work
because of the demand, I still came home to take care of you as usual, and when you went
to bed and sound to sleep, I kissed you goodnight and went back to work again. I did that
because I wanted to make sure that as long as I lived, I did my best to be close to
you.Hopefully, you would not have to grow up without your father around like I did
when I grew up. Almost every night I slept very lightly, so I could count every breath you
took in your sleep. In the morning, no matter how tired and how sleepy I was, I still got up
to go to work so I could take care of our family. I did my best to juggle different priorities
and responsibilities. I tried to balance it so our family life could be strong and stable
together. Once I had you, I put all my ambition in life behind, so I could be with you. I
wanted you to know this because I do not want your children growing up in the same
situation I did. My father and I had to pay a very dear price to realize the joy of family
togetherness, and I hope you will not have to do it again in your own family.
When you were about fifteen months old, your mother, you, and I went to Indonesia
attend her brother's wedding. When we got there, everybody was happy to see us. I knew
they missed your mother very much, especially your grandparents because she lived very
far from them. I knew your mother missed them too. They spent days and nights together
talking about what was going on with them for all those years. I could tell your mother was
more comfortable telling them about what was going on with her now. She had something
to be proud of in her life. I could see a sigh of relief from your mother's family because they
learned that their daughter was doing fine in the distant land. When I saw that, I felt great
too. I was glad that I was fortunate enough to deliver peace into their hearts. From there on
their conversation no longer focused on what the other one was doing for a living but on
the things that they had been enjoying. And for the rest of the time we stayed there, we
helped to celebrate the wedding, took trips to different places where everybody could play
and relax. Every where I went, I still saw those ladies and children carrying heavy
containers on their heads, walking days and nights to sell products for a living. I still could
feel for them, but this time I could afford to let them earn more profit than they were
accustomed to. I hoped that they could go home that day with a nice smile on their faces
and tell their children that they had a good day. That was enough to warm my heart. I felt
better this time that I was able to do something although it was not a dramatic impact. I
wished that I could be able to do a lot more for those who needed it, but I, myself, was not
much better off than any of them. I was truly happy to see your mother and you having a
good time while we were there. For the first time in many years, the atmosphere of the
whole family staying together, having fun together, and doing things together brought
back the warmth and the love that I had wished to see for a long time. I could not believe
that one day I could actually experience it in our own family. It was quite an exuberant
feeling for me. I stayed there only for three weeks as my vacation, and I had to come back
to America
visiting with any of them. I had a good time in Indonesia
mother and you were very happy and very welcome over there. I felt happy because you
were happy. It made everything that I went through worth it. From then on I did not feel
much regret for my past anymore. I came back and resumed my working life.
CHAPTER 31
A month later, your mother and you came back to America
mother and I decided to let you go to day care. We wanted you to learn to get along with
others. Every morning your mother and I took you to the school; you cried very hard and
tried to cling to me and your mother. We knew that it hurt to see someone leave, and we
knew that you felt rejected when we turned our backs and walked away. I knew exactly
how you felt because I still remember vividly when I was your age and my parents walked
away from me. Your mother and I felt just as painful as you when we separated. It was
very difficult for us to see that you had to learn separation at such an early age, but we had
to give up something in order to gain something else. We had to give up the comfort of
staying close together in order for you to learn the necessary social skills and the survival
skills. We could only guarantee security and love to you, but for you to live fully, you
needed more than just your mother and me. You needed friends and interaction with
others. We hoped we could make up all the time we were away from you when we came
home from work in the afternoon. That was the time we could warm up and restrengthen
our bonding.
Not a single day went by that I took for granted your being with me. Every step you
made, I was right behind you ready to catch you in case you fell down. And when you
grew bigger, more aware of what was around you, your curiosity grew more. You wanted
to touch, to feel and to explore the world around you. You had no knowledge of what was
safe and what was potentially dangerous. Your instinct could only help you in a limited
way. It could only help you tell what was dangerous at the moment, but it could not teach
you what was potentially dangerous. To be able to see what was potentially dangerous
takes experience. I have the experience, but how to pass on my experience to you without
letting you go through it was very difficult. Most of the time my experience told me that I
should keep you from falling, but if I did, you would never learn to get up and stand up for
yourself. Same as if I kept you from discovering what could hurt you, you could easily
become negligent and dangerous to others. There were times, I had to let you have your
way to encourage your determination and strong will, but there were times, I had to
discipline you when you became foolishly stubborn. For me, knowing what was the right
thing to do was not easy because there is not a distinct line between right and wrong in
raising a child. I just had to trust my judgement like any other parent.
At this point, I put most of my past behind me so that I could prepare for your future.
You are a new part of me that will go on while I am the part of me that will lie down one
day. I tried my best to prepare for you and your future, but there are no guarantees of how
long I can still be around. I hope that I will be around for you until the day you have your
own life and family without depending on me to survive. But like many others, there will
be times that you and I will have to say good bye. I want to make sure I can say everything
I have to say to you before that time comes. Because when I leave, I don't want to leave you
behind with all the unanswered questions. I can never prepare enough for you all the
tangible things, but what I can leave you is the total collection of my lifetime experience
and my personal point of view. Hopefully, my experience can be of use to you in the
future. If it cannot be of any use for you, it can be just a memory of me while I am still in
this world with you.
We are born with all the emotional elements: love, hate, happiness, sadness, courage,
and fear, etc,.... These elements work in us like the wheel of our lifetime vehicle. As the
wheel turns, we experience different phases of our emotions. There will be times that you
feel trapped and overwhelmed by the emotions, but don't surrender. Learn to balance your
emotions. Let them work for you not against you. To take control of your emotions, step
back and let your conscience lead you to do the right thing.
What is the right thing to do? The right thing to do is the thing that will protect and
improve the most lives now and in the future. Balance your self interest and others'
interests. Think every action through to its logical conclusion.
Live up to and stand up for what you believe. Don't ignore people, but don't allow other
people or things to control you. Listen politely to other people's advice, but sift it carefully
for the true wisdom and discard the chaff. Be aware that substances even the useful ones
can become dangerous. Some people try to manipulate, and substances alter and confuse
our thinking. Beware of both.
When you love someone, remember that love is a privilege, and loved ones are a
blessing. Love bravely enough to fight for one who returns your love, but wisely enough to
release the one who does not. Make the cords of love long enough and soft enough that
loved ones can fly freely, but keep the cords secure enough that loved ones can return
easily and safely to your embrace.
In your search for a life long companion, look beyond the appearance because
appearance alone does not last, but without the physical attraction, you will not have all
the elements of love. You need someone who is smart and intelligent to walk with and to
help you through the hard times. Someone who is lively and funny will nurture the smiles
and the laughter in your family. Honesty and sincerity are the best traits for the person to
have to uphold and instill the truth in your family. You also need someone who is strong
and independent enough to keep your family together while you are away.
If you are fortunate enough to find that person, hold your respect, your trust, and your
love to that someone fully as long as you live. Share equal responsibilities with each other.
Never take your companion for granted even a single day. No matter how bad your day is,
never take your frustration out on your family. Don't be like many other people who treat
their friends better than their own family. In fact you should treat your family at least the
same if not better.
Once you establish your own family, everything you do and all the dreams that you
have including your ambition should take all members of your family into account.
Consider your spouse's family and friends like your own even if they don't feel the same to
you. You don't want to create any discomfort for your spouse and your own children.
Between each other, don't set too many rules and regulations and make your partner feel
tied down. Except the commitment that you give to each other, spouses should have the
same freedom and expression toward family and friends as they did before they were
married.
Always search for knowledge. Learn to apply it to improve and to create useful things
around you. Once you put enough thoughts to make something, you will learn that
everything around you is not just randomly formed but meticulously planned and
beautifully created.
Life has its own meaning and its course. Life itself is a process of becoming. Whether
you are part of it or not, it still goes on. So if you are fortunate enough to come into this
world whether you were born with all the advantages or disadvantages, you should make
the best of it while you are still with it. Everyone is born with certain given conditions.
Regardless of whether those given conditions work for you or against you through out
your life, you should not only accept what you are given, but also change it, and transform
your current situation to yield what you want in the future.
Like a mathematical equation, you take what are the givens; you look for the result that
you want; then, you try to balance your equation of life through those sets of rules,
regulations, and limits of time to achieve the results that you want. When you achieve the
results you want before time runs out on you, you succeed in your life. You will experience
a full satisfaction, a full contentment, and true happiness in your life. But if you stay back
and be the one that is left behind, life will not wait for you, and time will run out on you.
So if you think that you were born with all the advantages, don't be too complacent and
lazy because you may be left behind in disgrace. And if you think you are one of those who
was born with all the disadvantages, don't just sit back, blame everything on your past, and
become stagnated because your whole life will continue to be disadvantaged. So, be happy
and be thankful for being part of life. Keep improving yourself. Search for knowledge to be
able to enjoy life. Then make every effort to do better and to be whatever you want to be.
And you can live your life fully and happily only when you truly understand its meaning
and its purpose.
Going back through our past, my father and I were born in the place where our
ancestors fought for our freedom and our rights. Unfortunately, Vietnam
war from the beginning of its own birth. Many people including my father and I lost
everything that a person could have. We never knew what freedom was. We never were
able to speak or to express our own feelings and our own desires. We lost our house, our
family, and our innocence. We still were the victims of our own past. My family and I still
pay the price for our ancestors and our own country. No matter how hard we sweated and
how much we paid for being victims of our past, the hope that our own children and
grandchildren could taste the fruits of our labor kept us from giving up the fight for our
future.
Through many years of praying and struggling, I was blessed with the opportunity to
come to America
freedom. You should always remember that what you have today is the result of hard
work and endless effort from people before you. The fore fathers of this country spilled
their sweat and blood for this land to be fertile and rich. Their dream was to make this
country the home of freedom and the place of opportunity. From the day I set my foot in
this land, I promised myself that I would make my contribution to help continue the dream
that the founders of this country had set.
I want you to never forget what you have today and take for granted the freedom and
the opportunities that you inherited. Try your best to maintain and improve the lives and
the people around you. Strive to preserve the freedom, the peace, and the equality
wherever you go so that we all can lead a better life, and your children will not be the
victims of your own past. Remember that knowledge will set you free. Look around you.
People kill each other, and countries destroy each other because of their closed minds and
their ignorance. It is sad that no one can do anything to eliminate the war, the crime, the
sickness, and the poverty in this world, but we all can see it, watch it, observe it, and learn
from it. Remember that many lives were lost and much blood had to be spilled so that now
everyone in this country can look up and be proud to be an American.
All of my life, I tried very hard to lay down a solid ground and foundation for you to
build upon. I swallowed my tears and turned my head away from my own past so I could
prepare my present, your present, and your future. Now, it is your turn to do the same.
Don't let yourself and your children be the victims of the past, but be the victors over the
past instead.
Love,
Your father
