Victor over the Past - Chapter 21

From: … Nguyen @yahoo.com>
Subject: Nguyen 's Biography
To: thuyhang606@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 9:42 AM

Thân tặng TH quyển hồi ký …

" Về chia sẻ kinh nghiệm với bạn bè. TH cứ tự nhiên. Nếu bài học cuả mình có hữu ích được cho đời thì mình nên chia sẻ. Có vậy thì xã hội mới tiến bộ và phát triển được. Những gì mình có thể để lại trên đời này thì mình nên để lại."

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CHAPTER 21

Our boat traveled about two hours to get back to Can Tho. After we anchored the boat,

The pilot told me to get off the boat and stay on the land for one night. He told me that he

would have to move the boat out to sea that night, and I had to catch a small canoe to cross

the river that led to the sea. He told me that my uncle's friend would lead me to the right

place.

 I got off the boat and went to see my uncle's friend. He arranged for me to stay with

somebody he knew that night, and he told me that he would come and pick me up in the

morning. When the morning came, I was ready to be picked up.

 I anxiously waited for him for half a day. I was afraid that he would forget me because

I did not put down any money for the trip. Part of me was disappointed, and part of me

was happy. I was disappointed because I might have lost a chance of a life time to escape

from Vietnam and happy because I would still have a chance to see Thanh-Tuyen and to

be near her again.

 But he did show up finally about two o'clock in the afternoon. He took me to the

Mekong river on his moped. A small canoe full of people was anchored there. He told me

to get into the canoe, and we followed the river south to the sea. As we got to a deserted

section, the person in charge of the trip told us to lie down flat inside the canoe so he could

cover us. We all did as he said. We continued downriver for about an hour when someone

said," My God, they found out about us already. Stay still. Don't move. Let's keep moving

fast." Then our canoe sped up trying to get away. But we heard a gun shot as a warning

that if we did not stop, they would fire at us. So we rushed into the bank of the river where

it was thick with bushes. Once we got to the bank, everybody got up, and we began to

throw our personal papers and identification into the river. I tossed my own paper into the

river just like everybody else did. Then I saw another small canoe pulling up next to ours.

As the canoe came along side, two or three men in their black uniforms with their AK-57's

jumped onto our canoe.

 They pointed their guns at us and demanded, " Are you trying to escape? "

 The man in charge of our canoe said, " No. We just take these people to visit their

families."

 Then one of them said angrily, " Do you think we are stupid? Are you trying to lie to

me? I am going to shoot you if you don't tell me the truth." Then we heard their guns

cocking.

Our pilot said, " Please don't kill me. I am just a person who was hired to transport these

people. I need to do it so I can raise my family. Please have mercy on me."

 Another soldier said, " Where are your identification papers? I want to see."

 The pilot said, " We did not bring any papers with us."

 Then another soldier said, " You don't have papers? You are still lying to us. It's time for

us to bring you back and put you in jail."

The pilot then pleaded, " Please have mercy on us. Is there anything we can do so you

can let us go? If you take us back to the base, you won't get any reward at all. But if you let

us go, you can have our money to spend, and the benefits are mutual. Let me see whether

I can gather these people and see how much money we can get." Then he gathered

everybody's money and watches and rings in his hat. And he gave it to one of the men and

insisted, " Please take this as a gift from us and let us go. If you do that, you do us a favor,

and as long as we live we won't forget your mercy. Please don't take us back to the base

because you know that if you do, neither one of us gets any benefit." The men then agreed

to take the bribe and let us go. We all breathed a big sigh of relief that we did not get

captured. We then continued to follow our predetermined path to the sea.

It took my group many hours to reach the sea. The fear and desire for freedom made us

forget our hunger and our thirst during those hours. By the time we got there, it was about

10:30 pm. My group got onto the boat, and we waited for a few more to come. The longer

we waited, the more people arrived while a thunderstorm began to develop over us. At

11:00 that night, we could not wait any longer because the whole boat was packed with too

many people already, and the weather turned worse. The wind began to blow harder and

harder. We started the boat and headed toward the international border. The storm was

right over us; the waves grew taller and taller. It was frightening to see lightning above us

and the dark sea below us. At that time I realized that we had waited for the storm season

to come to cover our escape.

As we headed toward Malaysia, I looked back to the shore for the last time. I took a

deep breath and released it slowly in relief. In that moment, I felt as if I had tasted the air

of freedom already. I told myself that from now on, no matter where I go, I would try my

very best to be successful in a distant land. But no matter how successful I might be in the

future, I would never forget my past and the land where I grew up. I hoped that one day

I can come back to my homeland with pride and dignity. I prayed that I would not yield

to my own personal pleasure and give up my goal and my mission easily because there

would be many temptations in the new place. I prayed God to spare me if he saw that I

could be useful to him in the future. I prayed that God would go ahead and destroy me if

he saw that I would be just another failure in the future. I prayed God to send the angels

to protect my older sister and Thanh-Tuyen. I prayed him to have mercy on Thanh-Tuyen

because she was so young and did not know much. I prayed that God would let Thanh

Tuyen understand my situation and forgive me for deserting her. As the boat proceeded

further away, I blew a last kiss to that land and to my family.

 We kept on going for a whole night, and as the morning came, everybody shouted with

joy because they knew they had gotten to the international border. The weather worsened

as the day wore on. The waves were as high as the top of the boat. Most people got sea sick.

When the day was over and the night came again, weather conditions remained the same.

The waves were still high, the wind still blew very hard, and the rain did not stop at all. We

made it through another night and another morning came. The rain slacked down a lot, but

the wind and the waves were still strong. Everybody began to wonder when we would get

to Malaysia. Not even the pilot knew that answer. The pilot only knew the direction, and

the only navigating instruments that he had were a compass, a wrist watch, and a world

map. We kept on going until early in the afternoon we saw a big fishing boat from another

country. Everybody screamed for help.

 That boat turned around and headed toward us. Everybody shouted with joy because

we desperately needed help. But it seemed like the boat aimed right at the center of our

boat. As the boat got closer to ours, we signaled those people to turn their boat sideways

so it would not crush the side of our boat. But they acted as if they did not hear us. Then

before everyone on our boat realized it, that boat rammed the center of our boat. We

screamed and yelled at those people to turn their boat sideways again. But no response, or

signal, and that boat rammed the center of our boat with full force again. Then we realized

that the people on that boat did not have any good intentions at all. We tried to run away

from them. Unfortunately, their boat was very strong and fast while our boat was slow and

flimsy. They caught up with us in a matter of minutes. When their boat ran right beside us,

those fishermen jumped onto our boat with knives, axes, and a gun. First they bullied us

and pushed one young boy into the water as a threat. The boy was very lucky. He was not

crushed between our boat and the pirate boat. Then they pulled people on the boat up and

searched for gold and jewelry. They began to search people in the front cabin first.

Gradually, they proceeded their way to the back of the boat.

 Before they could get to me, one of the ladies tossed me a gold ring and asked me to

keep it for her. I did not have any shirt, shoes, or anything else, but a pair of shorts on me

at the time. I looked around, but I could not find any place to hide it; not even on my body.

In desperation, I put the ring down on the floor and stepped on it. Soon the pirates passed

by me. They took a look at me and realized that I had nothing worth a search. None of

them even bothered to search me at all. They went ahead and finished collecting more gold

and jewelry at the back of the boat.

After they robbed us, they took along with them some of our gasoline and water. They

also took our compass. We were lucky that nobody got hurt at all. As soon as the pirates

left us, we pulled the boy out of the water, cranked our boat and headed straight ahead all

the way regardless where the direction led us. As soon as I saw the pirate's boat disappear

from the horizon, I returned the ring to the lady and asked people to help me drain the

water out of the boat. We went on for another two or three hours with all the men taking

turns bailing out the water coming into the boat from the crack at the middle of the boat.

I could not tell how much longer we could stay afloat.

 While we were contemplating which direction was the best one to reach land quickly, I

heard somebody screaming something about gasoline cans. I rushed to the rear of the boat to

investigate the situation. I soon realized that somebody had moved the gasoline cans around

onto the rear deck of the boat and accidentally dropped them into the ocean. The men on the

boat expressed how worried they were that we might not be able to go very far without those

cans. Yet nobody dared to jump into the water to get them. They were all afraid the undertow

would carry them away if they did it. I looked around and nobody was willing to do it, So I

told them if nobody else would try to save those cans, then I would. I thought to myself

without those cans everybody would die anyway, and I would die too. But if I were successful

in saving those cans, then everybody would benefit from it. So I let those men put a rope

around my chest, and I jumped into the water and swam to the cans. Once I had gathered all

the cans in one place, the pilot turned the boat around to get me. Soon I saved the cans and got

back aboard. Everybody cheered me and thanked me. I did not care much about being

thanked by the others. I was only glad that we could continue our journey without worrying

that we would run out of gas soon. Then everybody went back to his own position and got

ready to go again.

 We continued our voyage, but before we could plan for anything, we met another pirate.

 This time was just like the first time. They aimed at the very center of our boat again and tried

to crush us. Afterwards, they boarded our boat and robbed us again. After they left, the

cracking noise on the boat grew louder and water was flooding into the boat faster and faster.

We all gathered to dip water out of the boat. We knew that the boat would not last much

longer. By six o'clock in the afternoon, everybody was exhausted . The sea was still not calm

at all. As the sun began to go down, we saw another fishing boat at a distance. We were afraid

for that boat to come near ours, but we saw it turn around and head toward us. All of us were

holding our breath. As the distance between that boat and our boat was closing, the sky got

darker and darker. Finally, it was too dark for us to see well anymore, and that boat turned

its prow and headed in a different direction. We all felt relieved.

 During that night, the violent waves still kept beating our boat, and the rain came back

again, and water still leaked into the boat. We knew we could not go very far, and yet there

was no land that we could spot with our eyes at all. The thought of dying became obvious to

all of us. There was no land for refuge. From above, rain and storms kept beating down on us.

Equally threatening was below us. The rough and violent waves seemed determined to turn

the boat over. We all started to lose our strength and energy quickly. In that moment, we all

felt very insignificant, fragile, and lonely. All we could see was a vast body of water that

appeared to want to swallow us. Just as our hope was gone, the pilot screamed with joy

because he saw some lights flashing on the horizon. We all looked in the direction that he

pointed. We could see lights appear over the horizon. We turned our boat toward that

direction. About 11:00 pm we felt a strong impact on the bottom of the boat as if we had hit

something. We looked up and there it was: Thailand. We scraped bottom in the shallows of

the western coast of the Gulf of Thailand. The boat could not go any further into the shore. At

the same time, we began to feel the whole boat tilting over. The pilot then got a long staff and

 started to probe the ground underneath the water. Once he determined that we were on sand

not rock, then he told everybody to get off the boat and to walk toward the shore. As soon as

we heard that, everybody tried to jump into the water and walk to the land. There were some

older ladies and younger children who could not jump down into the water like the rest. They

were screaming for help, but not many people could hear their voices because they were all

hurrying and shouting to get to the land. Some men forgot to go back for their own wives and

children. The pilot and two other men and I tried to help those who were left behind. We all

were very careful to watch for the boat. Any big waves coming in could set the boat on top of

us. But luckily, no one was hurt. We all managed to get everybody safely to the land.

 Everybody was so happy that they screamed all up and down the beach. A few minutes

later, we saw a large group of soldiers at a distance. They surrounded us, and I could hear

their M-16's cocking, and they all pointed toward us. I thought my life was over. They spoke

the Thai language, but none of us could reply. Finally, they formed us into a line. They

searched everyone of us again, and they took all of our jewelries one more time. Then they led

us to one of the official's house where we gathered in the yard. They managed to find someone

who could speak English. They told us that we could stay at the house temporarily until they

could find out what to do with us.

 The officer's house was built similar to a beach house. Its floor was about six feet off the

ground. We all slept and stayed on the ground. Everyday people in the village came and

watched us very curiously. They tried to communicate with us by signing. We guessed the

messages, and we signed them back. Then we laughed at each other because neither side

made any sense at all. At noon, the villagers came and brought us rice and food that they

prepared for us. They brought us enough food for lunch and dinner. People were very nice

to us. Yet I heard a rumor that those soldiers wanted to repair our boat and send us back to

sea. Two days later we were visited by a catholic priest from the village. After his visit, he

immediately contacted the U.N. Relief organization. He demanded the organization to act

quickly before we all were pushed back out into the ocean. At the same time, he negotiated

with the local officers to delay the action. We all were worried. We started to pray for

someone to come and take us away from the place before we were sent back. Three days

later, a convoy of four big army trucks came to pick us up. We all yelled and cheered for

their arrival. The priest and other officers helped to get everyone settled down on the

trucks. Once we all got on the truck, we said thanks to the priest, and we departed from the

place. I rode four hours in the back of a truck to the refugee camp in Songkhla, Thailand.

 At the gate of the refugee camp, I saw thousands of Vietnamese refugees living in a

restricted area along the beach front. The area was about five hundred feet long and three

hundred feet wide. It was surrounded by barbed wire fence. No one was allowed to step

outside the boundary except when people were transferred in or out of the camp. The

camp was originally set up with three buildings and twelve sheds. The three buildings

close to the front gate were used for administrative and interviewing offices only. The

 twelve sheds were used to shelter the refugees. They had wooden frames and tin roofs.

Each shed could hold about two or three hundred people. The camp was set up to hold

four or five thousand refugees only, but later on the number of the refugees were increased

up to twelve or fifteen thousands. All the sheds were not enough to hold that much

population. That's why the U.N. delegation set up another ten to thirteen tents to shelter

such a crowd in a short period of time. Still some people did not have the place to stay.

 As we proceeded inside, I heard some old songs, which were written before the fall

of the South, playing on the speakers. I had not heard these songs for many years because

they were banned by the new regime. At that moment, I felt as if I had found a familiar

feeling of freedom that I had lost for a long period of time. After we were processed to be

accepted in the camp, we were explained the overcrowded condition of the camp. We were

then separate into two groups. One group were the people with their families, and the

other group were all men or boys who traveled alone. They told us that they would only

show people with the family of two or three to the tents, and other single men had to go

around and find the place on their own. Once the family group was led away, the single

group began to disperse in confusion. Without guidance and direction, we all did not know

where to start. I walked around every shed and tent to search for an empty spot. The more

I searched the more frustrated I became. Everytime I came across an empty spot, I asked

people next to the spot about its availability. Everyone kept telling me that it was vacant,

but I could not take it because it was saved for a family of at least two or three people.

Having received so many rejections, I lost hope ,and I was desperately in need of a place to

stay out of the hot sun and to rest.

 While I continued to walk around the tents and look for a place to stay, I found

Hoang and Tuan, two other single men who were in the same boat with me. They could

not find a place to stay also. Having realized the problem of being a single person, Hoang ,

Tuan, and I decided that we could pretend to be brothers, so we could get a place. Having

agreed with each other on the idea, we set out to look for any vacant spot that we could

find. Once we found an empty spot, we reported to the building leader. After the building

leader verified the empty spot, he then gave us approval to move in. All of us were very

happy. Although we got neither pillow nor mattress to sleep with, we all felt thankful just

to be able to get out of the sun, and the rain, and to be able to lie down and rest from a long

trip.

Having waked up from a short nap, I stayed back to keep an eye on personal items

for Hoang and Tuan. They went out to gather with other people in the tent to receive food

portion from the shed leader. As soon as we got our portions, Hoang, Tuan, and I were

shocked. Everything that they distributed out in the camp was uncooked. From rice to

fishes, we had to cook before we could eat, but none of us had either cookware, stove or

wood to burn. We asked our neighbor about how and where we could get these things.

They told us that we had to buy it from someone else. But none of us had any money.

Another devastating thing was that we could neither drink nor use the water that we

pumped from the available well for cooking because it was salt water.

We talked to each other about finding possible ways to get utensil for cooking. There

was only one option left , and that was borrowing money from someone. We did not know

anybody who had been in the camp before us. We were not sure about people who were on

the same boat with us. They might not have money like us, but we attempted to find them

and ask for money anyway. Hoang and Tuan had more confidence of finding people to

borrow from than I because they had relatives in different countries whom they knew for

sure would send money to help them in the near future. Once the decision was made,

Hoang and Tuan went out to find our ship mates. I stayed back to watch the personal items

for them.

Within an hour, Both Hoang and Tuan came back and told me that they were able to

borrow money from someone on the boat. I was surprised that people in the boat were still

able to keep their money after they were robbed twice by the pirates and again by the local

soldiers. I asked them what they said to people so people could trust them enough to loan

them the money. They told me that they told people that they had relatives in other

countries who would send money to them within the next few days. They showed their

relatives addresses to people and reassured them that they would return the amount in a

couple of weeks. Without the proof, no one would loan them anything. I told them that I

did not have any relatives outside of Vietnam at all. They told me that I did not have to

worry about that.

With the borrowed money, Tuan and Hoang went out and bought the cookware,

wood, and drinking water. We all had a good meal that afternoon. At night, Tuan and

Hoang worried that the money would not last us long if we kept spending it. Next

morning, they went out and searched for something to do to generate extra money. They

found someone who owned and a stand to sell ice. The person had just been called to go to

his destination country in few days, so he wanted to sell his stand for an affordable price.

Tuan and Hoang bought the stand. Once they owned the stand, they asked me to open the

stand and stay with it for them. I was glad to have the opportunity to do that in exchange

for food.

Every morning, I waited for people who carried the ice blocks to me at the stand

whereas Tuan and Hoang went to buy ice from people who had connections to distribute

ice in the camp. Once the ice blocks were bought and carried to the stand, Tuan and Hoang

went back to the shed to have breakfast and get ready to go to the English classes. In the

camp, there were two or three English classes offered to the refugees. Each class lasted for

two months, and the class materials were built on each other. If a person had not learned

English before and missed the first few sessions of the class, he or she had to wait a couple

months before another one was offered again. Tuan and Hoang learned English when they

were in Vietnam, so they had no problem of fitting into the ongoing classes right away. I

could not go to the classes because they began a few weeks before I came to the camp, and I

did not know any English at all. There was no French class in the camp. Plus I had to stay

at the ice stand to sell ice all day, so I could not go to class even if they had offered one at

that time. Realizing the English language was very crucial for communication in many

countries of the world, I determined to start learning the language as quickly as possible.

In the evening, after having supper and cleaning the dishes, I went out to find

Tuan's friends and borrow their English book for a couple of hours. Once I red through a

lesson, I jotted down every word in a lesson. Then I asked Tuan or Hoang for the meaning

and how to pronounce it. In the beginning they were enthusiastic about my eagerness, but

later on, they became annoyed. I understood their feelings, so I went to find somebody else

to show me. I found Ngoc, who was on the same boat with me. He showed me how to read

the phonetic symbols in the dictionary and pronounce the words accordingly. I was thrilled

to learn the skill. From there on, what I needed was a dictionary. In the camp, a dictionary

was very valuable. People were reluctant to let anybody borrow their dictionary. I could

not borrow a dictionary very often, so I saved about two or three days worth of studying

before I could ask for a dictionary to look up all the words at once.

During the day, I carried a list of English words to study while waiting for

customers. Sometimes I felt like I could relate to a lot of things that my father went through

in the past. Although things were a bit more stable for me at the moment, I was still afraid

for my future in the camp. If both Tuan and Hoang were called up to go to their destined

countries before me, I would neither be allowed to stay in the shed nor be able to buy

things to cook. My worry became even bigger when people told me that quite a few people

 had spent about four or five years before they were called to their preferred country. The

worry continued to stay with me day and night.

Every night I still prayed for my father, my sister, and especially for Thanh-Tuyen. I

still prayed for my survival and my future. Certain nights I could not sleep. I stepped out

of the shed and walked alone to the ocean front. Standing behind the fence, I looked far out

into a deep dark space of the sky and the ocean. Although the sea breezes and the sounds

of the ocean waves brought a certain soothing and gentleness to my senses, my heart was

still tormented by the shame of being helpless and by the pain of being separate from my

loved ones. I wondered what father was doing . I hoped he would be very happy as he

learned about my successful escape one day. I wondered what Thanh-Tung, my older

sister, was doing. She had been through a lot to protect me and Thanh-Tuyen. Now that I

was gone, I wondered if she would be able to forget all the suffering that she endured in

the past to come back to live with Thanh-Tuyen and my grandparents. I thought of Thanh-

Tuyen. I guessed she must be sleeping at the time. I wished the wind could bring me back

to her, so I could see her peacefully sleeping with a sweet dream. I wished I could touch

her face one more time, or kiss her one last time. I wanted to hold her so tight that she

could feel the love that I had for her. The more I thought of my sisters, the more

unbearable the pain in me became. I stood there crying until I could not cry anymore. Then

I walked back to the shed. I laid down to sleep until the morning came.

The ice stand business turned out just like Tuan, Hoang, and I wished. We were able

to buy the bare necessities to live. Sometimes we met people who were on the same boat

with us, but we exchanged nothing more than just saying "Hi" and "Hello". We did not

have the same close bond as we had on the boat. Some people only wanted to remain

friends and stay close to those who had money for their own benefits while the others were

 still struggling to survive. Some were disappointed with the poor, unhealthy, and

inconvenient conditions in the camp. A few people became reckless and lawless. They

started to steal from others. Later on they were caught by the Thai police, and they were

turned down from being admitted to their destined countries. Once they did not have a

place to go, they became worse. I felt very disturbed to learn about this. I knew quite a few

friends of mine who could be very valuable and beneficial to others if they had the chance

to escape. I was disappointed because life was not fair at all. I thought of Quynh-Chi and

his family. I wished him to have a chance like I did.

I stayed in the camp for two months; then I was called up for an interview. In the

interview I was asked in which country I would like to settle. Because of my father's

experience and training in United States, I expressed my wish to be settled in America. A

month after the interview, I was called up to be transferred to Bataan, Philippines. I was

told to go there for at least six months and more likely three years. I was not very fond of

staying too long in the refugee camp. I wished that I could go to my destined country and

start my life right away. The sooner I settled my life and started to make money, the sooner

I could help my sisters. But there was not much I could do in the situation. I could not let

the situation get me down. I made a commitment to myself that I would make the most out

of whatever situation I was placed in.

A couple of days prior to my leaving for the Philippines, Tuan and Hoang gave me a

pair of pants, two shorts, and a couple of shirts as going away gifts. I thanked them for

taking me in and helping me to survive in Songkhla camp. They reminded me not to give

up my dream and not to waste my life away once I settled in America. A few final days

passed by quickly, and the time for me to leave came. I joined a group of people who were

transferred to the Philippines also. We were taken to Bangkok airport. There we spent a

night in an empty building which was tightly secured and guarded.

The next morning, We went to the airport and we were put on a commercial jet

plane. As the plane took off, I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling. Never in my life could I have

imagined that I would have the opportunity to sit on an airplane again. The fun did not last

long. Then I began to worry about my life in the Bataan camp. I wondered whether I faced

the same difficulties that I had gone through in Songkhla. I prayed for things I would be

given in the Bataan camp. I prayed that I would be given something else to cook besides

raw produce and raw rice. I prayed that I would have an easier time than I had in the

previous camp. Before I realized it, I drifted away to my sleep.

To be continued ...