Victor over the Past - Chapter 22 to 25

From: … Nguyen @yahoo.com>
Subject: Nguyen 's Biography
To: thuyhang606@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010, 9:42 AM

Thân tặng TH quyển hồi ký …

" Về chia sẻ kinh nghiệm với bạn bè. TH cứ tự nhiên. Nếu bài học cuả mình có hữu ích được cho đời thì mình nên chia sẻ. Có vậy thì xã hội mới tiến bộ và phát triển được. Những gì mình có thể để lại trên đời này thì mình nên để lại."

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CHAPTER 22

Once the plane landed, we took buses from Manila to Bataan, Philippines. We

traveled up to the mountain side. The camp in Bataan was located on one of the mountain

areas. After a couple of hours, we reached the camp finally. This camp was bigger than the

one in Thailand. It occupied an area of one square mile. It was divided in to four districts.

Any one district had about twelve or thirteen complex buildings. Each building was

divided into eight different partitions. Every partition could accommodate at least a family

of five.

The whole facility was quite nice. In the morning, we all received food distribute by

our elected building leader. We also got cookware and oil for cooking. For water, we were

supplied with fresh water twice a day for washing and cooking. Everything was planned

well and basically sufficient. One did not have to depend on someone else to survive. For

school, each district had six English classes every Tuesday and Thursday. The classes had

different levels. They varied from very beginning to quite proficient levels. Some were

offered in the morning while the others were in the afternoon. All the teachers were

volunteers. I was one of the volunteer teachers. I taught the very beginning level. One

advantage of being a teacher was that a person was taught by a Philippino instructor a few

hours before that person went back to teach his own class. Meeting the Philippino

instructor was the only chance for me to practice my English. My class always started at

one o'clock and dismissed by two o'clock. Once I got through with my classes, I went deep

into the woods by a spring where I could be by myself. There I opened my book and

studied again until I got tired. Everytime I got tired, my thoughts went to my father, my

older sister, and Thanh-Tuyen again. The thought of how much they had sacrificed

themselves for me forced me not to put down my English book and give in to my tiredness.

I felt that I needed to push myself harder so I did not disappoint them. I have got to pay

the price so that one day I can bring back the smiles to their faces. I then got up, walked

around to wake myself up, and studied again until I could not fight my sleepiness

anymore. Then I lay down by the spring and closed my eyes. The sound of water hitting

against the rock and the wind in the trees soothed my soul, and I drifted away into my

dream.

In my dream, I saw everybody again. I also saw Thanh-Tuyen coming up beside me. She

took me by the hand and led me to a rice field, and we played hide and seek. Suddenly I

woke up in the middle of the happiest moment of being with my family. For a moment I

thought my reality was a bad dream and my dream was truly my own reality. I tried to go

back to sleep again, so I could be with my family. No matter how hard I tried, I just could

not. Then I knew that I was truly separated from my own family. Faced with this sad

reality, I determined to hit the book again. I remembered that I had studied in the past that

man could withstand and rise above the worst situation, and I had no choice but to do it.

As I looked around, I was the only person in the isolated area. The loneliness started to

overtake me. My eyes began to fill with tears again. The feeling of missing my family began

to overwhelm me. I was afraid that if I kept letting my feelings control me I could never

study anymore, and I would disappoint my father, my older sister, and especially Thanh-

Tuyen. So I bit my lip and wiped my tears trying to suppress my emotions. I managed to

get back to the book and study again. I stayed by the spring until sun down when I went

back to my building to sleep.

 Some clear nights I could not sleep; I got up from the platform where I slept, and I

stepped outside the building. I looked up to the sky where all the stars were blinking down

from above. I tried to picture my father tied up and sleeping outside in the field with no

cover on him. I could feel how he put up with mosquitos biting his body and how he put

up with the hunger and the exhaustion so that his children would not have to experience

what he went through. Then I thought of my older sister, Thanh-Tung. I could see her by

herself getting up in the middle of the night, carrying heavy rice bags, sugar bags, and

other needed items, sneaking through all the stop points to take them to different stores to

get the commission. And I could see her expression when she received the money and

found out it was just barely enough to get her through a day or two. I knew my sister had

sacrificed more than herself to take care of Thanh-Tuyen and me. I remembered how my

sister used to be very well respected by most boys and girls in her class, but now she had to

go through all kinds of humiliation to make a living. Sometimes I wished that my mother

could still live with us. I knew that had my mother still lived, her daughter would not have

to go through this by herself. And I knew had my mother still lived with us, Thanh-Tuyen's

life would be much more complete than now. Then, I started to see Thanh-Tuyen living by

herself among those who were careless about her well being. I knew everyday Thanh

Tuyen would be by herself wandering alone in the orchard. Then I wondered, when she

grew up, would she still remember the songs I used to sing with her? Would she still

remember the time we slept on our mother's tomb? Would she still remember me and love

me when she found out that I had left her for good? The more I thought of Thanh- Tuyen

the more intense the pain in my heart got. Then I looked up into the sky, and I felt like my

mother and my sisters were looking at me. I started praying for their forgiveness because I

was not able to take care of Thanh-Tuyen.

 Then I thought of Hang. I hoped she would not look for me anymore. I could not

provide her a future, so I could not be with her, and I could not afford to focus on anyone

else but Thanh-Tuyen, my youngest sister. For Hang, I prayed that she could one day find

the right man and truly experience the completeness and happiness of her own family.

 Then I turned my thoughts to the future. I did not know what it would turn out to be.

America was a new place where the people and the culture were completely different to

me. I did not know how people would accept me. How could I survive there with no

language, no skills, and no support from anybody? And how could I start to support my

father, my sister, and Thanh-Tuyen once I landed in America? The more I thought, the

more I got worried and confused. Finally, I went back to the building to sleep and prepare

for the new day.

 I kept on the same schedule for the entire six months. Then I was called up for the final

trip to the United States of America. The day prior to the morning I left the camp, some

people that I knew on the boat gave me a pair of pants, a couple of shirts, and a pair of old

tennis shoes, so I could look somewhat presentable on the plane. I was transported by bus

to Manila, Philippines and spent a night there before I could catch the plane next morning.

When the morning came, I went to the airport and got into the plane. As the plane lifted

off from the run way, I looked back to the Philippines and tried to recall every moment and

every memory that I had of that land for the past six months. I thanked the people and the

country for providing me the protection and shelter. When the plane reached its

predetermined altitude, I breathed out a sigh of relief. I felt great because I had overcome

another obstacle and made another step closer to my destination. However, at the same

moment, I began to feel a bit nervous. I prayed that God would help me to reach my final

destination and land safely. I prayed that I would be able to speak the new language and

survive in the new land. I prayed that God would keep me from being a failure, so that one

day I could bring back the smile to my father's and my sisters' faces. I prayed that I would

be able to support my sisters in the future. And I prayed that God would send angels to

protect my father and my sisters while I was still struggling for my life. Sadly in my

situation, prayer was the only thing I could do for my family.

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CHAPTER 23

After the sixteen hours flight, I arrived at Los Angeles, California. Then from Los

Angeles, I took another flight to Jacksonville, Florida. After four hours, the plane finally

landed. At the airport, I met my sponsor Mr. King. He took me to my final destination

Waycross, Georgia. When I reached Waycross, I was kind of disappointed because I did not

see skyscrapers and tall buildings like I expected to see when I was in the refugee camp. All

I saw was a small town with not much activity. Then I was taken to an old three bedroom

house. There I lived with eleven other refugees. There were ten single men and a married

couple. The way it was arranged, the house inside allowed one bedroom for the married

couple, one room with six twin beds for six guys, and the other room with four single beds

for the rest of the men.

 The house was not air conditioned, and I arrived in the middle of the month of July

1980. It was the first time I experienced the unbearable heat of a Georgia summer. In

Vietnam the heat was just as intensive as it is in Georgia. However, unlike those in Georgia,

most houses in Vietnam were open allowing breezes to flow through and circulate the air

inside. The stagnancy of the air inside the house was what brought out the unbearable

feelings. There were four floor standing fans in the house, but whoever came first had the

privilege of having the fan for themselves. I was the last one who arrived, so I did not have

the use of a fan. These men did not want to share either. Every night, as I began to lie down

 to sleep, the back of my shirt was soaking wet. Struggling to put up with the discomfort for

a few minutes, I finally had to get up . I walked around the house trying to find something

to fan myself. I could not find anything except a couple of newspaper inserts. I used them

to fan myself, but no matter how hard I tried, I was still sweaty. Finally, I had to go outside

and sit on the front porch. The heat of the open air seemed to be more bearable than that in

the house. I thought I could sleep there on the porch, but as soon as I closed my eyes,

mosquitos began to attack me. I fought those mosquitos for a few minutes. Gradually I

grew sleepier and sleepier as time passed. I stepped back inside and tried to go to bed. Just

as I almost fell asleep, the heat overtook me again. this time I decided to stay in the living

room where I could sit and watch television. I still remember the television set. It was a

thirteen inch black and white one. I saw old movies and some comedy shows. None of

what they said on the T.V. could I understand, but I watched it anyway. At that point, I did

not want to go to bed anymore because I could not bear the heat, and I could not stand the

thought of how selfish were my roommates. I kept on watching T.V. for another ten or

fifteen minutes. Finally I got tired of sitting up, but I did not want to go to bed. So I stepped

out onto the front porch again. There I had to fight with those mosquitos one more time. I

stayed on the porch for a few minutes. Unable to stay on the front porch, I went back

inside and watched T.V. Then I walked back out to the porch again. I kept doing that for

the whole night until the morning came. When the morning came, my roommates went out

to visit their other friends. I took one of the fans and pointed it at me on my bed, so I could

go to sleep. I guess I slept for a couple of hours, and I woke up because the afternoon heat

was much more intense.

 Once I got up, I got ready to go to see my sponsor. I walked to my sponsor's office

where I met about thirty other refugees. We introduced each other, and I asked these

 people about the chance of finding a job in the town because they came to this town much

earlier than I did. Everyone said that so far they could not find anything yet, and now they

were ready to contact their relatives in different states to move to their location. They

advised me that if I had any relatives who were doing well in other states, that I should

move there for a better life. I shook my head and told them that I did not know anyone at

all.

 I asked my sponsor what was the chance for me to find something to do. He told me that

he did not know at that point, but he advised me to wait for a while. For the rest of the day

we did not do anything but stay around his office because he had an air conditioner. I

stayed in my sponsor's office during the day and went back to stay in the house during the

night. During that time, I started to worry more for my future. Before I left Philippine, I

thought I had escaped all the rough and stormy road of my life. I expected a much

smoother path for me in America, but at the moment I was not prepared to be in the

situation which had no sign of success. I saw my future as just as dark as the sky at night

time. Nowhere to go and no money to spend, I was desperate. On top of that, I lost a lot of
sleep every night.

 ====

CHAPTER 24

 Some weeks later, my sponsor arranged for somebody to come to take me and the other

men to the social services department to apply for welfare and foodstamps. At that point I

could not bear it any longer. I thought to myself that I went through the pain of leaving my

family behind, that I faced the risk of being killed in the ocean, and that I tasted the

disgrace of deserting my homeland because I was looking for something much higher than

food and shelter for myself: my freedom, my education, and the opportunity to do better.

 Before I arrived in America, I pictured myself working for somebody for three years to

get used to the language and to help support my sisters financially. Then I would attempt

to enroll in college. I thought giving me three years to know my way around and four

years in the college, I would graduate from college about the year 1987. But at that time, I

did not see anything working out for me at all. The language was not my strength, a job

was not available, and a college education was worse than climbing up a sheer mountain

cliff. So I tried to find out from other people and from my sponsor again whether there was

any other option for me or not. But they shook their heads and told me that there was no

other option for me but to go to school.

 Having realized that schooling was the only way for me to improve my life, I went to

see my sponsor and asked him to help me apply for college. He agreed to help, and the

next thing I knew there were eight other refugees who asked for the same thing. So my

sponsor arranged for us to go to South Georgia College in Douglas, a town about 35 miles

away. First, we went there to take the S.A.T. test. Then we went back to wait for the results.

A few weeks later, the results came back. I did not do well at all, but the school had a

developmental program that other students and I could fit into. So all eight of us were

accepted. I was so thrilled because I could get out of that house and start to do something

with my life. Several weeks later, my sponsor arranged for a van to transfer eight other

people and me to South Georgia College.

 At the college, we were placed in the dormitory. The college dormitory was very nice. It

had central air conditioning to cool the whole building. The rooms were very clean. Each

room had twin beds, two closets, and two studying desks. I shared the room with Hai Tran.

He was the youngest and the smartest one in the group. He came to America with his aunt

and his younger brother about a year or two before the rest of the group. His aunt worked

somewhere in Waycross to support him and his younger brother. Hai Tran graduated from

high school in Waycross, and he seemed to know the way of life in America much better

than the rest of the group. Because of that, almost everybody in the group tried to spend

time with him. The next most knowledgeable person in the group was Duc Pham.

Anywhere the group wanted to go, they had to have either Hai Tran or Duc Pham to help

them with the decision making. For me, I knew those two guys had enough problems of

their own, so I would not even bother the two at all.

At the dormitory, I was very pleased with the air conditioned environment. For the

first time in many years, I felt the cool air around me. It was a very wonderful feeling

especially after the experience that I had in the house in Waycross. Now, it seemed that I

had made one step up from the worst situation. Yet the road to a better future and to be

self sufficient was still beyond my reach, but at least I was placed at the starting point. The

next thing that I had to do was find the way to finish my education. If I failed, all the efforts

of my family and me would be in vain, my family would share the disgrace and

disappointment, and I would live with the guilt for the rest of my life. The more I thought

about my current situation, the more worried I became. There were still many obstacles

and barriers ahead of me. The biggest one was the language. However, to keep myself

from being worried, I just had to start working toward the goal, and I just had to take

things as they came. The next day, school began. I learned that all of us in the group had to

take the developmental classes for reading and writing. There were six developmental

classes for us to pass before we could be allowed to take regular courses for our degrees.

These classes were developmental reading 97, basic English 97, developmental reading 98,

basic English 98, developmental reading 99, and basic English 99. If we could not pass all

of these classes in a year, we would be expelled from the college. In the beginning, it was

very difficult for us. Most of us did not understand what the professors were saying, and

the reading tasks were almost impossible for us. We understood that we had to read

through a whole paragraph and completely understand it in two or three minutes, but for

us to read and understand any paragraph at that time, it would take about ten to fifteen

minutes because we had to look up every word in the paragraph. Then we had to make

sense out of what we looked up as a whole. The results spoke for themselves. Except Hai

Tran and Duc Pham, we all failed every time we showed up in the classes. Facing the

failure week after week each time we showed up in the classes, our confidence and our

faith in the future began to fade. Fortunately, the school recognized our difficulty. They

allowed a part time dedicated tutor to work with our group for no pay. The tutor was truly

a dedicated one. Her name was Jean Josey. She was outgoing, friendly, and enthusiastic.

The first time she met us, it was difficult and frustrating for her because most of us were

shy, unsure, and hard to understand. But she never let that slow her down in helping us.

After the first few sessions with us, she knew that we needed more help than just a few

hours during school. But the school administrators did not let her have more time than

what they had budgeted. So she volunteered to spend her own time to help us. In the

beginning every one of us, except Duc Pham, was very reserved and suspicious. We had

never met anybody from a totally different country who cared for us more than our own

people. We thought there must be someway that she could benefit from doing such deeds.

Despite how hard Duc Pham tried to convince us that Mrs. Josey helped us out of her kind

heart, we were still suspicious. But she proved us wrong.

 As time passed, we realized she took care of us because she truly cared for us like her

own children, and we told ourselves that we should not ever forget that. Besides teaching

us and guiding us with our homework, she took us to see the doctor when we got sick,

helped us to find summer jobs, comforted us when we felt hurt, and encouraged us when

we were down. With Mrs. Josey's help, I had a little bit better idea of what area I needed to

work on and how I should approach it, but I still worked much harder to get to that point.

Everyday and every night, as soon as I got out of class, I went back to my room to study.

At lunch time, I walked to the cafeteria to have lunch. After lunch, I went back to my room

to catch a nap. After my nap I got up and studied again. I studied until five or six o'clock in

the afternoon. Then I went back to the cafeteria for a meal again. After the meal, I went

back to the dormitory, took a shower, and went back to study again. One nice thing about

the college was that with the grant and the student loan I got, I could pay for tuition,

books, room, and board. I did not have to worry about any other thing but studying. I

studied until three or four o'clock in the morning before I allowed myself to go to bed.

 There were many nights, I was tired and sick of studying. I went to bed early to have a

good night's sleep, but as soon as I closed my eyes, The picture of my father going through

all the tortures and hard times in the concentration camp came back to me. Pictures of my

older sister who risked everything she had for me, and pictures of Thanh-Tuyen wandering

helplessly to look for me came vividly into my mind. The familiar and painful feeling

began to grow in my heart again. I folded my arms around my chest, and I tried physically

suppressing the pain, but it was too much to bear, so I got up and gathered all the strength

and determination that I had left in me to go back to studying again.

 ====

CHAPTER 25

 A couple of months went by. As I began to get into the groove of what I was doing,

there came the school break for Christmas vacation. Everybody was thrilled about a school

break except me and two others in the group who were very worried. Duc Pham, Thuc,

Thinh, and Mai had relatives in Waycross to stay with during the school break. Hai Tran

went back to his aunt. Trung knew somebody in Waycross that he could stay with, but

Thai, Ha, and I did not have any place to go, and the school dormitory closed during that

time. We did not have any money to rent a hotel room or apartment to stay in either. In the

midst of despair, there came good news. Mrs. Josey found somebody who would take us in

during the school break, and she even offered for one of us to stay with her and her family.

So we broke off from each other to go to different families to stay. Thai stayed with the

Josey's family. Ha and I stayed with Joe and Carlene Phelps's family. The Phelps owned a

local advertisement paper. They were hard working people. Joe worked every day until

afternoon. Then he came back to be with his family. Mrs. Carlene got up very early in the

morning, prepared breakfast for her children, took them to school, and went to work. In

the afternoon, she went to pick up her children, Mitchell and Kell, from school and take

them home. Then she went back to work until seven or eight o'clock in the afternoon. For

the first time in my life, I saw a family that lived together and stayed together very close

 like that. Ha and I always admired the Phelp's life style. We often admired how they

conducted their lives very successfully and yet how humble and generous they are to

others. We told each other that if we established our own families, then that was the way

we should live.

 As the Christmas season came around, the weather got colder. Ha and I were not

prepared for this. All we had was summer clothes. Every time we stepped outside the

house, we shivered. For the first time in my life, I experienced excruciating cold. I thought

to myself that here came another problem that I had to deal with on top of other ones that I

had. As the weather grew colder, I pushed my endurance further. There were times, I

wished I could have something to keep me warm. As I mentally prepared for the weather

conditions because I knew this would be the tough one for me, Mrs. Carlene went out and

bought me a very nice, thick, and warm jacket. She got it for me as a Christmas gift. I was

very glad and proud of that jacket. I also felt uneasy to receive the gift from Mrs. Carlene

because I did not have anything for her, and she had let us stay with her and her family

without charge. I wished I could get something for her in return, but I just did not have

money. Thanks to the Phelps, Ha and I experienced what family life in America should be

like. We stayed with the Phelps through the school break.

 After the break, Ha and I went back to stay in the dormitory. There we met the rest of

our group again. We learned that Hai Tran, Duc Pham, and Thai passed the English 97 and

Reading 97 classes while the rest of us had to repeat them again. As the classes started, I

went back to my intensive studying schedule again. This time my reading skill got slightly

better, and my writing got slightly better, but it was not good enough to pass the

developmental program yet. Then another problem came up: we all needed money to

spend on some of our personal necessities. So we discussed among ourselves ways to get

money. We talked to Mrs Josey and Hai Tran. We found out that we could apply for part

time jobs within the school. So we went to apply for " work study ". We all got it. Also Mrs.

Josey found out that Mrs. Carlene would allow us to help her every Tuesday afternoon.

That worked out well for us because our families from Vietnam began to ask us for

financial support too. At the same time, I got a letter from Vietnam. I learned that my father

was released from the RE-EDUCATION camp. Like a person who found a long lost

treasure, I was so happy that my wish had come true. I was so thrilled that everything

around me was great that day. I hoped that my father's presence would bring Thanh-Tung,

my older sister back to Bien Hoa, and together with Thanh-Tuyen, my family would relive

the togetherness that we had longed for so many years. I hoped that with my father's

presence, my mother's parents and brothers would treat my sisters much better than they

did before. I prayed that my family would have enough patience and courage to stay

together and wait for me. When I became self suffiecient, I would take care of them better,

and may be one day, we could all be together again in a future. With that thought in mind,

I wrote a letter to my father and indirectly told him not to escape, but to be patient and

wait for me. I began to check my studying schedule and sacrifice some of my study time to

make a little extra money to support my family. My father wrote me and told me how

proud he was to know that I was O.K and that I have not forgotten my promise. He again

reminded me not to yield to my own self-pleasure and forget my mission and my goal in

life. I did not tell my father about my failure on the classes because I did not want to bring

down his hope.

Now on top of trying to study hard to make it through school, we all had to work

hard to earn money for our families. This time, every hour and every minute were very

crucial for us. We studied harder, worked harder, and stayed up much later including

weekends just to survive in the classes.

 About a month later, Ha Pham got in touch with his brother in Oklahoma. So he decided

to move there to be with his brother. Next Duc Pham found his fiance in Texas, so he

moved there. Right after Duc left, Trung decided to move to Oklahoma, too. Next Mai

found her sister in California and decided to move out there. Then, Thinh left South

Georgia for some other reason. So there were only four of us left. But we did not let those

moves affect our normal schedule. We all knew that saying goodbye was not easy, but we

just had to learn to handle it smoothly. I missed them some, but I was happy for them

because it must be comfortable to be with someone close in the new and unfamiliar land.

With them gone, our group was smaller. But each one of us still kept full focus on our

studying.

We still had to put out more effort to help our families. So everyday after classes, we

went to work. And after lunch we went to a tutoring session with Mrs. Josey. When we

completed the tutoring session, we went back to have supper. And after supper, we got

ready to study again until three or four in the morning. During the weekend, we met Mrs.

Josey. She helped us to go buy gifts to send to our families in Vietnam. That's how we

could get by in school and still support our families. We did not have time for anything

else. There was no time for us to socialize or to party at all. I guess we exchanged our youth

for the chance to survive and the ability to help our brothers and sisters.

 Months went by and our hard work finally paid off. We all completed our

developmental courses in one year. Now we were allowed to take courses that were

required for our engineering curriculum. We all did well after that. We all got Dean's list

almost every quarter. During school breaks, we continued to stay with the Joseys and the

Phelps. I remember during the summer time, I stayed with the Phelps. Mrs. Carlene found

me a job as a construction helper. Every night after supper, she packed sandwiches for my

lunch before she went to bed. And in the morning, I always had a good breakfast before I

went to work. In my heart, I'll never forget those times I stayed with them. When the fall

came, I went back to school again, this time we started to look for an engineering school to

pursue our engineering degrees. We then applied for Georgia Institute of Technology in

Atlanta. Hai Tran was accepted first. Next was Thai and Thuc Le. I was not ready because I

had not accumulated enough credits to be accepted yet. So only I was left in Douglas. 


To be continued ...

http://moon-ah.blogspot.com/2010/12/victor-over-past-chapter-26-to-28.html